


Reminiscence

by minchanted



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 3RACHA bestfriends, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Bang Chan is Whipped, Bottom Bang Chan, Eventual Smut, First Love, Fluff, I tried to make it angsty but failed, Jisung is a softie, Lee Minho | Lee Know is Whipped, M/M, Memories, banginho, but life is cruel, changbin is protective, hyunmin are minhos friends, minchan, minchan are whipped for each other, minho and chan really love each other, minho please dont cut your hair, sassy chan, slight changlix if you squint real hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:01:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23662771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minchanted/pseuds/minchanted
Summary: “Chan?” the guy got up from the table, taking a few steps towards him, closing the distance between the two.Chan was frozen on spot, face white as a ghost, staring at the man who he never expected to see in a million years.Lee Minho was here.Lee Minho, his first love, his first (and only) serious relationship, his first everything, and the first guy to take his heart and completely crush it.Chan took a few steps back, turned and bolted out of the bar.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 18
Kudos: 174





	Reminiscence

“Hey Chan”, Felix called out from a table he was serving. It was a Saturday night and Chan was behind the bar, mixing drinks skillfully.

Chan glanced over at his blond friend who he realized was talking to someone at a table. Felix then strode towards him, “there is someone at that table who is looking for you”, he said, “It seemed urgent.”

“I am busy lixie” Chan groaned, “as you can see.”

Chan’s job as a bartender was something he started to pay his university expenses, he was on his last year of his master’s degree and he really needed a temporary job to pay the student debts. However, he grew fond of the art and for him, it was not simply serving alcohol in glasses to the injured souls, but also lending them an ear and being a source of comfort to them. He did not want to leave his customers to simply talk to someone who probably wanted to complain about the drinks.

“I will take over for a while,” Felix said, “he seemed _really_ desperate and said he knew you from college.”

Chan was confused. He was still in touch with Jisung and Changbin from his college days and knew they would just contact him directly. Also, it has been 4 years since college, and he doesn’t think anyone would even remember him other than his best friends.

_Who could it be?_

Sighing, Chan poured out a drink for one of the customers and stepped back, wiping and drying his hands.

“Okay I will go talk to him, look after the bar and try not to burn it down.”

“Please, have some confidence in me.” Scoffing, Felix made his way to the back of the bar and took over.

Chan started walking over to the table Felix pointed out. He never got called out like this, so he was genuinely curious to see who it could be. There was only one other guy who he was _really_ close to in college, but he had left when Chan was going through the most traumatic time in his life and did not bother to tell him.

“Oh, Chan?” Felix called out from behind the bar. Chan turned back, frowning at the blond. “He is really, really, _really_ good looking. So, try not to be too _Chan_ on him,” he giggled.

Chan rolled his eyes and resumed his walk.

He could see the guy sitting the at table, overgrown bangs falling into his eyes, dim light shining on his sharp features.

The man, sensing his presence, looked up from the table, gaze locking straight into Chan’s eyes, knocking the air out of his lungs.

Chan froze in his tracks.

_No._

_It couldn’t be._

“Chan?” the guy got up from the table, taking a few steps towards him, closing the distance between the two.

Chan was frozen on spot, face white as a ghost, staring at the man who he never expected to see in a million years.

Lee Minho was here.

Lee Minho, his first love, his first _(and only)_ serious relationship, his first everything, and the first guy to take his heart and completely crush it.

Chan took a few steps back, turned and bolted out of the bar.

His hands were shaking, and his breathing turned erratic. Chan stepped out and leaned over, panting heavily. He tried breathing in the crisp night air as much as he could, trying to calm himself down. It had been four _long_ years, with no notes, no calls, nothing. Why was he here?

“Chan?” A soft voice spoke from behind him, sending shivers down his body.

He hated that even after 4 years, Minho had this effect on him.

Chan straightened up, hiding his face from him.

“What are you doing back here?” he finally managed to choke out.

“Chan…” the voice sighed, “I need to talk to you.”

That made Chan turn around in anger.

“Talk to me?”, he scoffed, “you waited four fucking years to finally find me and _talk_ to me?”

Chan _wanted to cry._ But he was not going to give Minho the satisfaction of watching him break.

Now that he can take a good look at Minho, he realized he did not change much. He had let his bangs grow out and fall into his eyes, just like he used to do in college, and Chan had always found it endearing, wanting to just run his hand through his hair. Minho looks tired, dark circles ringing around his eyes. He was wearing a red jumper half tucked into his jeans and a coat.

_He still looks breathtakingly handsome, like a sculpture._

“What if I don’t want to?” Chan hissed.

“Channie…” the nickname made Chan’s heart race.

“I will not stop until I get to talk to you,” Minho continued, despair lining his voice, “Please just hear me out.”

Chan stared at the road, wondering why the man who gave him the most happiness and took all of it away was back here, standing before him. Chan could see the man fidgeting nervously as he tried to catch his eyes. He still had another hour of his shift, but he was sure Felix could handle it. He hated that he is was still not able to say no.

He finally looked up. Minho gestured to a car parked just outside.

“Wait out here” Chan sighed hesitantly. “I need to tell Felix to take care of the rest of my shift.”

Chan was going to pretend the relieved smile that spread over Minho’s face did not make his heart flutter uneasily.

After explaining to Felix as simply as he could, (that Minho was a long-lost friend and if he could take over the last hour of the shift) Felix not only agreed but said it was his pleasure and he hoped Chan would get laid because it had been a while. Face red, Chan grabbed his belongings, jacket and hopped back outside.

Minho was leaning against his car, cigarette loosely between his fingers, puffing out smokes.

It was unfair how he looked so good while doing the bare minimum.

He walked towards the car and cleared his throat, “I am ready,” he huffed, “make it quick.”

Minho put out his cigarette and got into the driver’s seat, Chan following suit.

Minho switched the radio on, started the car and started driving away.

“So, what did you want to talk about?”

“I love how you want to get straight to the point,” Minho sighed, “You were never the one to beat around the bush.”

“Unlike you,” Chan rolled his eyes.

“Memories… they are beautiful, aren’t they?” Minho began. “They never go away, always stuck with you.” He continued. “You think they are gone once you forget a memory when in fact, they are still there, just locked in a box and kept at the far back of your mind.”

“What is your point?” Chan snapped, making Minho flinch slightly.

“I never forgot you Channie.”

Chan’s heart sank even further. Out of all the things he was expecting, this was not it. He could feel his anger rising up and the familiar breaking of his heart. He took a look at Minho, his fingers clenched tightly on the steering wheel, his entire body stiff, and he knew Minho was really nervous.

Silence wafts about them and tension embedded into the stillness.

“Please, just tell me why you are here and why did you ask for me?” Chan complained.

“I am here because I miss you.” Minho sighs, “and I made a mistake of leaving.”

Chan scoffed at that, “Did you think that I would be waiting here with open arms after four fucking years of no contact from you?”

“Chan, let me explain.”

“Go on... I am timing you.”

“Can we…” Minho hesitated, his grip on the steering wheel tighten, “Can we go to your place and talk?”

Is Chan ready to have Minho back in his place again? Can he stand to be in the same room as Minho? As it is, he was having a hard time breathing, sitting next to him in his car.

“Can’t you just say what it is and fuck off?”

“Somethings don’t change,” Minho chuckled but the smile did not reach his eyes, “You are as difficult as ever.”

“And you are still stubborn and a pain in the ass.”

“Literally.” Minho announced smugly making Chan turn a bright red.

“Argh. Ok let’s go to my place, but don’t think I am softening up to you.” Chan argued as he gave his address.

Chan stared at the radio blankly. He can’t remember what had happened between them ( _actually he does)._ He was over the days he had spent crying over the guy who left him. The memory of _that_ day was threatening to leak from the locked box, but Chan would not allow it. He had destroyed himself and only started putting the pieces of himself back together after ages.

The days they had spent together were the happiest and most beautiful. He could not believe that Minho would throw them all away as soon as they encountered one difficulty, and yet stood in front of him, acting like time has not passed and they have not changed. Because they have changed, they are different. For one, Chan is blonde now. He went through a whole identity change after Minho left him. After he recovered he went straight to the salon and bleached his hair.

 _Minho…_ the guy who taught him how to love and how to be loved.

It all started when he met Minho at a college party 7 years ago.

Jisung and Changbin had been constantly nagging him. They kept saying he was always working so hard and he needed to relax once in a while. They dragged him out after forcing him to wear the tightest pants and a white shirt (“ _you always wear black, Channie, you need some brightness in your life,”_ Jisung whined _)._ Chan was 18 and drunk. Minho’s friends Hyunjin and Seungmin were mutual friends with his own friends, Jisung and Changbin, and six gathered together. Chan did not even know Minho’s name, but he could feel his heart fluttering every time his eyes fell on him. He could also feel the dark-haired boy’s intense stare at him when he thought he was not looking. There was an attraction there for sure. He was leaning against the wall, drink in hand, laughing at something Jisung was telling him but attention elsewhere.

“Jisung,” Chan interrupts, “What is his name?”

“Who?” Jisung glanced behind to see who Chan was talking about.

“Ah…” Jisung looks back at Chan with a glint in his eyes, “Are you in love Chan? You were never interested in human beings before.”

Chan rolled his eyes at Jisung, “I am asking for his name, not asking for his hand in marriage.”

To Chan’s dismay, Jisung giggled and called the dark-haired sculpture-looking-boy, over.

“Hey,” Jisung exclaimed once the boy came over, “what do you think of my friend here?” he continued pointing towards Chan.

Jisung is a bit drunk but this was definitely not what Chan was expecting. He choked on his drink and smacked on the back of Jisung’s head.

The newcomer chuckled at Chan’s actions. Chan was not able to ignore the intensity of the sculpture looking boy’s gaze that was boring straight to his soul.

“I think he is cute,” the sculpture spoke. His voice, _omg his voice_ made Chan feel butterflies in his stomach. “But I was wondering if he could speak or if he is only capable of staring.”

Chan had never been this flustered before. He was usually the one making people speechless with his sassiness. Turning a bright red, he glared at the boy, “I can speak, thank you very much.” He shoved Jisung, “My friend is just being a drunk ass, ignore him.”

“I think he is being a smart ass,” the boy said with a grin, “I thought we would never get to talk!” he continued. “What is your name? Or should I just continue calling you cutie?”

Chan, who has never been rendered speechless before just stared at him, before answering.

“Chan, my name is Bang Chan. And what is yours?”

“Minho, I am Lee Minho and it is a pleasure to meet you _Channie_.”

* * *

“What are you thinking about?”

The voice was still the same, it never changed. It brought Chan back from the past filled with memories he thought he had forgotten but it was only buried deep.

Chan glanced over at Minho, “Nothing important. Just about the day I met someone I wished I never met.”

Chan knew Minho would know who he was talking about and the sad smile forming on Minho’s face proved him right. He thought he would enjoy causing Minho pain, however he did not like the way the smile pinged something in him.

“I would never think that way,” Minho breathes. “You are a precious friend to me.”

Chan laughed at that.

“ _Friend? We were not friends.”_

He was right, they were never friends. After they met at the party where Minho called him, ‘Channie’, a nickname he did not earn the right to use just yet, Chan knew Minho was someone he should be careful of. The rest of the party went by peacefully, with Jisung too drunk to embarrass him any further and Chan used a drunk Jisung as an excuse to leave the party.

“Jisung is drunk, I have to take him home.”

“Chan…” Jisung had whined. “I am not drun- “

Chan had smacked a hand on his mouth, silencing his best friend.

Minho had looked at him questioningly, but Chan could not admit to him that the nickname stirred something deep inside him and he had to leave before he did something he regrets forever. Like having a one-night stand with this gorgeous art.

He thought that would be the last time he would see him. However, fate had other plans. Besides, Minho being his best friends’ friends’ friend did not help. He found himself hanging out with the group more often and found himself somehow stuck alone with Minho while the rest continued to talk to each other. Chan wondered if it was on purpose. Especially when one day during lunch, where they were sitting on the grass outside their building, Changbin got up and announced that he had to go get books from the library and he needed the help of 3 people as the books were apparently, very heavy. Chan volunteered to help him but Changbin shot him down saying he needed the help of Seungmin, Hyunjin and Jisung specifically.

Before he could react to that, the said individuals got up while laughing their asses off and left, leaving him alone with Minho.

Chan thought he could do this; he could just ignore this boy until lunch is over. Or maybe he could say he needed to use the washroom and escape.

“Are you scared of me?” the voice interrupted his thoughts.

Chan looks at him. Minho was lying on the grass, hands behind his head. The sun was reflecting on him, making him glow and _god_ he looks ethereal.

“No…”

Minho shifted and turned onto his side, holding Chan’s gaze.

“Do you want to grab a coffee with me later?”

* * *

“You seem to be too caught up in your thoughts Channie.”

“Do _not_ call me Channie, you don’t have the right to do so.” Chan shot back at Minho.

They stopped at the red light, and Minho turned in his seat, taking in Chan. He could feel the eyes all over him and then- “blonde suits you,” he muttered, “makes you look ethereal.”

Chan could feel the strings tugging at his heart, and he stared straight ahead. They still had another 15 minutes before they would arrive his apartment and maybe, he would get the closure he never got.

“Chan…” Minho continued, “Do you remember the first time we got coffee?”

Of course, he remembered, but he stayed quiet.

When Minho had asked him, he had been speechless, just staring into the boy’s eyes, admiring how the overgrown bangs had framed his perfect face, admiring his sharp nose and the way his lips were a perfect shape and how kissable they looked. He finally snapped out of it and nodded, turning away from him immediately.

Minho had let out a relieved sigh and chuckled. “Let’s go now.”

They had skipped college and gone to a nearby café and grabbed coffee. Minho had laughed when Chan had stared at him in disbelief because he had dumped three packets of sugar into his coffee. He liked them sweet he said.

Chan thought it would have been weird, being alone with Minho, someone he hadn’t even spoken to properly. However, that outing proved to be life changing.

Back to the present, Minho was still waiting for Chan to answer. Realizing he was not going to get one Minho went on, “I never felt so attracted to someone I did not even know.” He said, with a nostalgic look in his eyes. “I was so scared to ask you out that day, and when you nodded, I was more relieved than the time I found out I passed my exams.” Minho continued gazing at Chan who was determined not to look at him. “Can you believe it? That was one of the best days of my life. I thought it was just a crush, but _god_ I was head over heels for you Chan.”

“Do you remember that day? Do you remember the laughs? How it was so natural for us just to be with each other. And do you remember what happened towards the end of the day?”

Chan was adamant on staring at the road, his heart continued to clench and unclench. He was starting to think this was a big mistake. Being with Minho in such a small confined space was a mistake. Allowing him to enter his life again, was a mistake. He remembered what had happened. They had talked over coffee, had laughed at each other’s jokes. He remembered being impressed with his ability to actually bond with someone this quickly. He remembered how the tension that was always surrounding them had disappeared. He remembered how when Minho had walked him home, goosebumps rose up on his skin when the boy’s arm brushed against his slightly.

He remembered how it started raining and how they started running to find a shelter. He remembered how they were standing so close to each other under a small isolated shelter, facing each other, laughing breathlessly. He could see the uniform clinging onto Minho’s body and could see the rain droplets dripping down his hair. He could remember the bangs covering Minho’s eyes and he had brushed them back, electricity shooting up him with the touch. He had told Minho to never cut his hair earning a chuckle from him. He remembered Minho holding on to his shoulders, staring at him.

Minho had taken his hand into his and placed it on his heart. His heart had been beating, really fast and he could feel it.

“You make my heart feel like I ran a marathon.”

The laughter had stopped, and the tension was back in the air, but It was different, it was no longer awkward. Usually Chan groans at cheesy lines but _this_ was different.

He could feel Minho’s eyes move down to his lips and he remembered trying to steer them out of this situation.

“So” he said trying to break the atmosphere, “My house is right here, I can get there myself.”

 _I don’t want to let you go_ , he had said making his heartstrings tug, making him shiver in the cold.

“We are going to catch a cold here,” Chan had said trying his best to ignore the gentle touch of the other man, “it is best we leave right no- “

Minho had interrupted Chan, soft and warm lips crashing against his mouth. Chan did not know how to react. The feel of Minho’s lips on his own felt like home. Minho had pulled away slightly, his hand was still holding Chan’s hand against his heart and Chan could feel Minho’s heartbeat soar even higher than before. Chan paused for a moment, eyes scanning Minho’s beneath his rain-soaked hair and he pulled Minho close to him, capturing his lips with his own. Minho had let go of his hand, moving it to caress his face gently, keeping him in place as Chan moved his arms around Minho’s middle. It was slow yet the butterflies that were in his stomach were fluttering their wings fast. Minho had then attempted to deepen the kiss, tongue darting out to part Chan’s lips further and Chan had allowed him. They were both oblivious to the rain pouring continuously around them as they continued kissing. Lips moving against each other’s perfectly.

Chan had kissed people before, but they were always unmemorable. This, however, was something he knew he would never ever forget. To Chan, the instant connection he had felt with the kiss was undeniable and he knew then that he was right in thinking that this boy right here is going to be a massive problem.

Chan turned in his seat to look at Minho straight in the eyes.

“It has been 7 years since that, Minho.” He aimed the gun of heartbreak directly at Minho’s heart, “I don’t remember shit.”

The lights had finally turned green and Minho looked back at the road with a sigh of defeat as he continued to drive.

Even after Minho left, leaving him to deal with the aftermath alone, him hearing the news of his departure from his friends, he could not find it in himself to move on. He did not want to date anymore or make friends. He tried giving excuses for that, but he knew it was only because they were not _him._ He stopped hanging out with the group as often as he used to, because the emptiness was too prominent to ignore. He was still in touch with them but the only people he could meet and not put on a fake smile were his best friends, Jisung and Changbin. He met Felix during his masters and they both hit off immediately. They were from the same area and Felix was a bright presence in his life, always smiling bright and even though Chan used to push him away in the beginning, he grew to be fond of the boy. Felix was the epitome of a meme. He had introduced Felix to Jisung and Changbin and they had all gotten along well. Changbin and Felix probably gotten along a little too well, there was a spark between them alright. He was learning to forget Minho, finally.

Well, until he turned up out of nowhere.

Chan finally realised that the radio was playing a song he and Minho used to listen to when they were together. He could hear Minho humming along to the music and he thought this was unfair. Why does he feel like he was the only one who was torn apart during these four years while the other is acting like time had reversed back to how things were once?

He hated being in a car alone with Minho especially when he still remembers what all they had done. The make out sessions they had, Chan climbing onto Minho’s lap, his back pressed against the steering wheel as he kissed and grinded against him. He shook his head to clear the memories out.

They finally arrived at his apartment and Chan got out after they parked.

“Like I said,” Chan muttered, “You have 15 minutes to explain and you can get the fuck out after that.”

Minho followed him silently as he started walking up to his lift.

The tension between them as they shoulder to shoulder in the tiny elevator was palpating. Chan could sense Minho stealing glances at him in the reflection of the doors across from them, but Chan stared straight ahead and didn’t acknowledge them. He could feel Minho fidgeting with his hands.

“Chan, I am sorry.” Minho turned his head, fidgeting with his fingers.

“Not here.” Chan warned, voice less cold than when he had first spoken to Minho. His voice was edging on a shake and he swallowed it down. They were standing too close to each other, and Chan wanted to reach out and touch him, to make sure that he was real.

The elevator doors opened with a ding when it arrived at his floor, and the soft parting of the doors allowed him to breathe finally. He took a deep breath in and stepped out, heading down the hallway to his apartment without even bothering to check if Minho was following him. However, he could feel him hovering behind his shoulder as he unlocked the door. He pushed the door open to let them inside. Both removed their shoes as Chan went to switch on the lights. The tension between them was increasing further and further, like someone was holding Chan’s throat and squeezing. Chan readjusted the collar of his shirt and gestured Minho to have a sit on the sofa. He went into the kitchen and grabbed two glasses of water, setting one down on the table for Minho.

“Glad to see you are no longer living in a dorm,” Minho chuckled as he looked around the cosy flat Chan now lived in.

The dorm was where Minho and Chan spent most of their time together. Countless nights spent in each other’s embraces, meeting their friends together in the morning, with interlocked fingers. Getting teased by the group for being stuck together like glue.

“It is like if we pry you two apart, you might stop functioning.” Hyunjin had said.

“To think that if we hadn’t taken the first step and left you two alone that day, you two would have still been just eye fucking each other and not the actual fucking.” Changbin had said causing the group to holler with laughter, Minho being rendered speechless and Chan removing his shoe and throwing it at his friend.

“Things change,” Chan shoot back, “I hope you know that.”

“I am sorry.”

There it was again. To his horror, Chan could feel tears brimming up in his eyes and he started blinking to make them go away.

“If you just came all this way to apologise,” Chan started, clearing his throat, “You can just leave, the deadline for an apology had exceeded by four years.”

Minho winced slightly at that.

“Chan…” He whispered breathlessly, “My dad found out about us.”

Chan could feel his blood turn cold.

He knows Minho was not scared of anything or anyone, that is, except for his father. His father was a retired military official and was always strict. Chan knew that despite Minho reassuring him back then that things would work out, trying to convince his father that he was into guys was the one thing that may not work out.

“You didn’t leave me anything, any notes, any call, a message. _Nothing._ ” Chan exclaims, “I got to know you left through Hyunjin and Seungmin,” he continued, the tears now threatening to fall.

“You had time to inform them you were leaving and yet you forgot I even existed.”

Chan got up from the sofa, “I still don’t understand why you are here, why are you ripping apart old wounds, and I don’t know what you want from me.”

“Please let me talk,” Minho begged silently.

“Minho, you didn’t just leave me.” Chan continued not letting Minho speak. “You left me when I was in the fucking hospital, recovering from my injuries from the accident.”

_“You left me when I needed you the most.”_

And there it was, the memory he had been trying to keep locked in his mind for years, flashing clear like it just happened yesterday.

It was a bright sunny day like any other day. It had been three years now since Chan and Minho had kissed during the storm and they were going strong as ever. Chan had never felt this happy in his life. He had woken up next to Minho in his dorm and it had become a regular occasion. Minho often slept over in his room and almost half of belongings were now here. They knew each other better than themselves.

Chan rest his head on Minho’s chest, feeling it rise and drop slowly. It was peaceful and he knew that this was something he could get used to, forever.

He could feel Minho stirring in his sleep and chuckling when he felt the weight of Chan on him.

“Someone is being clingy in the morning huh.”

“Shut up Lino.” Chan affectionately sighed.

“Let’s go,” Minho said, stroking Chan’s hair gently. “We have to meet our lovely friends and my dad will be home early today.”

“Are you planning on ever telling him?”

“I think it would be a better plan to run away with you Channie.”

“Minho…” Chan let out a breath, looking up at his boyfriend’s face. “You know I will follow you anywhere.”

Chan could see the sorrow in Minho’s eyes, the fear he has for his father, who did not hesitate to beat him for trivial things. He also knew that somehow; he had fallen deep in love with this man and would do anything for him to be happy.

“I know.” Minho finally said.

As they got ready to leave, Chan pipped up, “Do you want to get some ice cream? I know you love them, and it is hot outside.”

Minho grinned and nodded.

They walked over to the bus stop where they were supposed to meet their friends, fingers interlocked.

The ice cream van was on the opposite of the road. “Wait here,” Chan had instructed Minho, “I will go get the ice-cream.”

Chan turned to cross the road when Minho pulled him back to him and pressed his lips against his in a soft but long kiss.

“Do you know how much I love you, Channie?”

Chan’s heartbeat started escalating. No matter how many years had passed between them, every time he hears those three words fall from Minho’s mouth, he melts.

Minho took his hand, placing it on his heart.

“You make my heart feel like I ran a marathon.”

Chan chuckled, removing his hand and hitting his boyfriend on the chest lightly.

“Have you even run a marathon you idiot.”

Minho laughs, “With you, life is like a marathon. Never ending and exhilarating.”

Chan shook his head at that, still chuckling and crossed the road over to the ice cream van feeling Minho’s eyes on him.

“Minho!” Hyunjin was shouting.

Minho turned and waved at his friends who were walking over to him.

He turned back to see Chan waiting to cross the road back, two ice cream cones in his hand.

What happened next was something he would have imprinted in his mind forever.

Chan started crossing the road and Minho’s smile slowly faded as he realized a car was speeding down the lane.

“CHAN!” He shouted out.

It was too late.

It all happened in slow motion.

Chan saw Minho froze; he saw the horror slowly creeping onto his face before he felt the impact. He felt the ice cream fall from his hands. He felt himself fly and falling onto the road, he felt the pain engulfing his entire being and his body trying to shut down his system. He could feel the waves of unconsciousness hitting him and voices shouting around him.

He saw Minho’s panicked face, holding him and hitting his face to keep him awake.

“I am sorry.” He was sobbing.

Chan wanted to console him, to tell him _everything is going to be alright_ , but everything _hurts,_ he wants to _sleep_ and he felt his body give in to the darkness.

When Chan woke up in the hospital two days later, he immediately looked around for the one person he really wanted to see. He could see his father talking to the doctor, his mother sobbing quietly in a corner, he saw Jisung and Changbin, looking exhausted. However, he could not find _him._

He tried to sit up in his bed, but pain shot through his entire body. The doctor realized he was awake and moved quickly to him, telling him not to put stress on his body and to rest.

The doctor then sent his parents out to get some painkillers and he was left alone with Jisung and Changbin.

“Where is he?” he managed to choke out.

Just then the door opened and Hyunjin and Seungmin walked in, with tears in their eyes.

Chan looked up with hope in his heart expecting to see the dark-haired boy following them, but he was not there.

“Where is he?” he asked again, now directed at the two boys that just entered.

“Chan, please rest.” Seungmin muttered softly.

Chan struggled to get up in his bed as Jisung put a hand on him.

“Tell me now _please.”_ Chan begged pleadingly.

“Where is he?”

“He left, Chan”, Hyunjin finally said, the tears now falling from his eyes.

“He had to leave. It was urgent.”

The heart wrenching desperation and fear Chan felt at that moment was more painful than the accident. The pain strangled his lungs so tightly that he forgot how to breathe. He started gasping for air and scrambled to get out of the bed. Out of this place. To his dorm where Minho will still be there, probably sleeping because he was exhausted too.

He felt so much pain, he felt his friends try to push him back onto the bed, he heard one of them call the doctor as his heartbeat started escalating higher and his breathing became more choked. The doctor came in and injected something into Chan and once again, the darkness engulfed his body, but this time, Chan welcomed it.

_“You left me when I needed you the most.”_

Chan was sobbing as the memory came back to him. The fear and desperation no longer a stranger to him. There had been countless nights where he had woken up screaming. Countless dreams where Minho had come back to him, but he had always woken up on a bed, alone. He kept all of Minho’s belongings in a box with the hope that he would one day, come back.

Minho took a few steps towards him, hands reaching out to perhaps hold him but Chan retreated backwards.

“Why did you come back?” he wept.

“Do you know how long it took for me to put myself back together? Why did you decide to come back now when it was so easy for you to leave in the first place?”

“Chan, _please.”_ Minho begged.

Silence filled the room, the only sounds being Chan’s ragged breathing. He wiped his tears and looked at Minho. He could now see him clearly in the lights and if he was being honest, Minho looked dead inside. His lips were chapped, his hair was messed up from where he kept pulling on to it in frustration. Despite everything, Chan wanted to reach out and hug him. Tell him everything is going to be alright, but he could not. He could not go down that road again.

“I’m sorry,” Minho began, voice a little hesitant, but otherwise present. “I’m sorry for leaving you like that. It was insensitive of me.” He continued.

“When the accident happened, I felt as if my life was knocked out from me. I was with you all the time Chan; I was holding your hand while you were rushed into the operating theatre. I was outside watching the doctors and nurses rush in and out of the room. I was there watching your parents sob. I was there when the doctor finally came out after a whole day to announce that you were going to make it. I really thought… you were not going to…”

Minho took a deep breath to steady himself before continuing, the memory haunting him as well.

“Of course, when I did not return back home, my dad kept calling and I had to tell him where I was and what had happened.” Minho continued, not stopping now that he finally got to talk. “My dad did not understand. He told me to come back home immediately. I did not want to leave you, but I decided to go back for a while and come back. I needed a change of clothes anyways. My clothes still had…your blood all over them. They were soaked in your blood. You almost died in my arms, Chan. Our friends were by your side so I knew it would be okay. I went back home, and my dad was waiting for me. He told me that he had a plane ticket for me, to go to the States for my studies and I was in shock. I told him, I argued with him and he… he started beating me up. He said I was an embarrassment and a disgrace and if I don’t leave, he would do something to you, he would kill me.” Minho starts shaking at this point.

“Chan, you need to remember, we were young, I was 21 and I did not know what to do. Seeing you lie in the middle of the road, blood pooling around you, seeing you lifeless, it scared me. I know I could not afford to lose you. That was one memory I wish I could forget forever. However, it is etched in my mind and I have nightmares about it every day. I wish that day never happened Chan.” Minho covers his face with his hands as he started trembling, “I had to leave, I could not see anything else happen to you. If anything, ever happens to you, I would have killed myself too. I came back to the hospital; I saw you waking up and then I left. I could not say goodbye to you because I am a coward. I know if I even spoke to you, I would have given in and stayed. However, I knew you were going to survive and with that thought I left.”

Chan closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down.

“Then why…why did you decide to come back now?” he finally asks. “Does it even matter?” Chan quipped, raising an eyebrow. “It happened four years ago.”

“Because I am still in love with you and never stopped loving you, that is why.” Minho finally answered, removing his hands from his face and looking straight at Chan, his expression serious. “I am no longer afraid of my father, I am still afraid of death, of losing you, but I would rather be by your side till the end. I am sorry it took four long years for me to reach this point, but I hope you will give me another chance Chan.”

Chan can feel the pulse of his heart beating in his ears. It was, indeed, difficult for him to move on. He struggled so much. He had shut himself out from the world, ignoring his parent’s pleas to come back home, ignoring the constant calls from his friends, checking his phone only to see if _he_ had contacted. He waited so many years for him to come back. Now, he is back but Chan’s mind was whirring.

Minho had confessed, he _still_ loves him. Did he love him back? Has the four years mended the gaping wound that was left open by Minho? Or was he still wounded and waiting for Minho to heal him.

“I tried to learn how to live _without_ you for four years Minho,” Chan answered, wiping his tears away furiously, “I spent years wondering what was wrong with me. I blamed myself. I believed I was too much of a _defect_ for you. I had scars everywhere from the accident, Minho. I had to look into the mirror every day, see the scars on my face, my body and there was a voice telling me maybe you left because of this.” Chan’s hand flew to tug on his blonde strands. Minho took a step forward, hand reaching out slowly but retracting it after a pause.

“…and I need some time to think about this, it is too much to take it all in one night.”

Minho nod his head gloomily, “I will be here waiting for you Chan.”

“This time, I am not leaving you.”

With that he turned and went to the door. He threw another glance behind him at Chan, who was still standing by the couch, deep in his thoughts.

“I too, had a hard time Chan.” Minho stated. “I was broken, I did not have any friends there who understood what I went through. I woke up so many nights screaming and all I could remember was being covered in blood, and more blood.” Minho was trembling. “I wrote so many letters and tried to contact you, but I was scared, and the letters were all pushed into a box instead.”

“I really am sorry.”

With that, Minho opened the door and left.

The box of memories that was locked in Chan’s head had opened and one by one all the memories came out like waves crashing upon his soul.

“Is this your first time?”

They had been making out on his bed when Chan decided it was time to go all the way. He was nervous since he was not used to all of this. He was surprised when Minho shook his head in response, what did he expect after all? Of course, someone as good looking as Lee Minho had sex already. He felt jealousy tugging at his heartstrings and decided to ignore it for now.

“Chan… is this your first time?” Minho had asked to which Chan could only blush furiously.

“You don’t need to be embarrassed.” Minho chuckled. “I am just surprised an extremely good-looking guy like you hadn’t fucked or had been fucked yet.”

“Shut up,” Chan had hit him on his chest. “I just never found anyone special enough. I am going to disappoint you with my lack of skills.”

Minho positioned himself over Chan and crashed his lips onto his making him shut up.

“I got you Channie.” Minho whispered once their lips parted for a breath of oxygen.

Chan pulled Minho closer by his neck, licking into his mouth. The heat of the kiss sent sharp strokes of pleasure through Chan’s stomach and he started pushing up against Minho’s body with his own. Chan could feel Minho’s erection against him, and both let out soft noises of pleasure when Chan brought his hands up to Minho’s hair, tugging it. Minho stopped attacking Chan’s lips to focus on leaving marks on his neck. Chan tilts his head back to give better access and starts unbuttoning Minho’s shirt and removing it.

“Channie,” Minho panted, “are you sure you want to do this?”

Chan at that point was far gone to turn back.

His finger carded through Minho’s hair, gripping lightly on the long tresses as he pulled his head up and whispered into his ear.

“Just _take me._ ”

Minho lets out a groan of pleasure at that and starts undressing Chan. They shed the remaining of their clothes and Minho started sucking marks on to Chan’s bare body.

“God, you are _gorgeous.”_

“Shut up and fuck me before I change my mind.”

Minho snickers, “Do you have any lube?”

Chan just gestures to his bedside table. “Everything is there, just work your magic.”

“Prepared, aren’t we?”

“Shut up.”

Chan could see Minho pour a generous amount onto his hand, coating his fingers.

“This is going to hurt,” Minho said as he stroke Chan’s head, leading him into a deep kiss, moving one of Chan’s leg to hook over his shoulder as he circled around the entrance, pushing one finger in slowly. When he felt Chan relaxing, he pushed in another, earning a sharp gasp from him.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes.” Chan moaned, “Just keep going.”

Chan tried to get himself to relax as more fingers were added. He was feeling uncomfortable with the intrusion until suddenly, his body shook as his boyfriend brushed against something inside of him. Chan moaned loudly and Minho did it again and _again_ and he felt like he would just burst from the pleasure.

“Lino-yah,” Chan pants, voice wavering in desperation. “I need you in me, _now.”_

Minho rolled a condom over his cock and stroked it with lube. He finally lined up and pushed in, slowly. “Fuck.” He hissed.

He waited for Chan to adjust first. Looking down at his boyfriend, who was flushed, and biting hard on his bottom lip, Minho felt a strong emotion coursing up his veins.

“Um, you can move now.” Chan whispered as he tightened his legs around Minho, bringing him in closer.

Minho starts thrusting in gently into Chan’s clenched hole. Chan gasping, one of his hand still gripping Minho’s hair while the other moved to his shoulder, his blunt nails dug into the skin and sent sharp lines of pleasure down Minho’s spine as he started to pick up pace.

“ _You are so tight.”_ Minho’s voice was laced with pleasure and a shiver ran down Chan’s spine.

Minho soon found Chan’s prostate and unable to hold himself, Chan moaned out loudly as Minho continued to fuck him into the bed, each thrust making Chan see stars. Chan did not know he could make all these noises which were pouring out of his mouth as he was being fucked into oblivion.

“Don’t hold yourself back.” Minho had groaned. “I love that you are noisy.”

Chan moved his hands to around his boyfriend’s neck and started rolling his hips up to meet Minho’s thrusts as the latter wrapped a hand around Chan’s member and stroked it in time with the thrusts until he came into his hand and his stomach.

Minho continued pounding in, feeling the walls tighten around him as he groaned. The sight of Chan lying on the bed, dim light illuminating his handsome face, looking absolutely stunning with swollen lips and spent was enough to send him over the edge and he came with a cry of Chan’s name. The pleasure was so extreme that Minho almost fell onto Chan. He pulled out and Chan hissed at the emptiness he was suddenly feeling.

_Fuck. That was…_

“I don’t know what you meant by lack of skills because that was the best sex I ever had.”

“Shut up” Chan blushed.

_Emptiness._

Chan knew that the empty void in his heart that widening itself open could be mended only by Minho. He remembered how he had complained that he could not walk properly after the first time they had sex and Minho had laughed, promising him he could be on top the next time.

With Minho, every piece of him was complete and whole.

He could not sleep as his thoughts were invaded by the memories of the one person, he had tried so hard to forget.

It had been around 4 months since they started dating. One day, Chan was walking by the canteen when he heard Minho’s name being mentioned in a conversation among a group of girls. He did not mean to eavesdrop, he really didn’t but curiosity got hold of him and he decided to just listen for a bit.

“Minho is _really_ good in bed,” one of them was giggling.

“Didn’t he use to date and sleep around?”

Chan walked away fast, his heart sinking and a sick feeling creeping upon him.

Back in his room, Chan was pacing around, he could not explain the mood that was all over him. Yes, he had made out with guys before, but he never slept with them, Minho being his first. He knew Minho had confessed he had sex before, but he did not know that he had slept around, and Chan wanted to punch a wall.

There was a knock on the door before it opened, and in walked Minho grinning.

“Hello there, baby.”

Huffing angrily, Chan turned on his heels and made his way into the kitchen.

Minho was confused, “Hey, what’s wrong?” He followed his boyfriend and wrapped his arms around his waist.

“Fuck off” Chan had exploded at him.

“Thanks for letting me know the fact that you were a sex freak before you met me.”

“Chan, can you just explain what is going on, I am genuinely confused.”

Chan scoffs, “I heard a group of girls talking about how good you are in bed and that you had fucked around.”

“Look Chan, I slept only with three others before I met you and I did not have any feelings for them whatsoever,”

“So, they were flings.” Chan had said. “Am I a fling too?”

“If you were a fling, I wouldn’t be still standing here, having this conversation with you am I right?”

“Stop talking in riddles you asshat and answer me.” Chan knows he was being harsh on Minho, but the feeling kept digging in further and he was just so mad, in addition there was a feeling like he was being stabbed on his side and he could not explain it.

_God you are so dumb._

Minho had muttered under his breath.

“I am so not dumb!” Chan exclaimed, picking up a spoon and throwing it at Minho. “Get out idiot.”

Chan started grabbing whatever he could lay his hands on and throwing them at his so-called fuckboy boyfriend.

Minho took a few steps forward, closing the space between them and grabbed Chan’s hands, slamming him against the wall of the kitchen. He caught Chan’s lips and kissed them hard, knocking the breath out of him.

“You are dumb, do you know why?” He had asked, lips still hovering over Chan’s. “It is because I am so in love with you and yet you never realised that did you?”

_Minho…loves me?_

A thousand emotions flickered through Chan’s face when he finally realised what was that stabbing pain he had been feeling. He was _jealous and?_

“I love you Chan.” Minho repeated, letting go of Chan’s hands, brushing his hair back, looking a bit nervous now, after his confession.

_He loves me._

“You don’t have to say it back”

All the air sucked from the room when Chan relaxed, his face softening. He wrapped his arms around Minho’s neck.

_I love him._

“I love you too Minho.”

He was surprised how easy it was to say these words to him.

There’s barely a pause the length of a heartbeat before Chan is brought Minho in closer to kiss him. He could feel Minho’s smile as he kissed him and Chan melts under his touch. Minho shuddered a relieved laugh against Chan’s lips and they continued kissing like it was the first time.

Chan woke up from his sleep, covered in sweat, his heart beating rapidly, the stabbing feeling was back.

He loved Minho.

He is still in love with Minho.

* * *

It had been a week since the night Minho came back and the week passed by with no sight or news from him.

He had called up Changbin and Jisung and told them everything about the night.

Both were surprised and bombarded him with questions, the most prominent one being, “ _are you going to give him another chance Chan?”_ They promised to meet him at the bar he was working at later that night.

Ever since the accident, when Chan was busy destroying himself, it would be Jisung and Changbin who would constantly visit him, knocking on his door constantly until he finally opened, bringing food with them and feeding him.

They would joke around, trying to make him laugh again. While it took him a long time to stop blanking out into the space, Chan slowly started loosening up again. His physical scars were slowly fading away, but Chan was not sure whether his mental scars would ever heal.

“If he ever comes back, would you give him a chance?” Jisung had asked once stroking Chan’s newly bleached hair as he lied on his lap.

“It has been a year, Jisung, he is not coming back.”

“Will you still give him a chance?”

Chan sighed. “I don’t know. I don’t want to.” He continued. “But the heart wants what it wants.”

“I promise I will punch him if I ever see him again, Chan.” Changbin had promised.

After that night he saw Minho, Chan couldn’t sleep properly, constantly waking up haunted by dreams of Minho, his heart saying that it still belonged to Lee Minho.

He went into work the next day, with blonde hair disheveled and dark circles ringing around his eyes and Felix had been concerned.

“Chan! Are you okay?” Felix had popped by his side as soon as he came to the bar. “You were really pale yesterday.” He continued.

“Yes, I am fine,” Chan replied back, “It was a stressful night, but it is all good now, I guess.”

Felix nodded at that, “Let me know if I can help you anyway mate.”

Chan had smiled at him and continued working.

Chan was deep in his thoughts; all he had been doing since last week was think about his time with Minho. It was indeed fate that had brought them together and had also separated them. He knew that Minho leaving him was something that will be imprinted in his memory forever and it would take a long time to heal that wound and regain trust back. He promised himself that he was done crying into pillows and bed sheets. He was done relying on others to be happy. He had worked hard to reach a state of happiness.

Everyone deserves a second chance though, right?

He started getting ready for work, wearing a black shirt tucked into black slacks. He looked at himself in the mirror and could see dark circles from the lack of sleep. Minho had left without giving him his number or address, so he did not have any means of communication. He sighed as he grabbed his keys and left his flat.

Chan smiled at Felix as he came in, saying a quick hi and that Changbin and Jisung will be in soon and went to stand behind the bar, attending to the customers, distracting himself from the thoughts surrounding a particular person.

“So… what is your best drink here.” The shift in the atmosphere indicated that it was _him._ He was here again.

Minho’s hand motioned over to the bottles behind Chan, taking a seat opposite him, “Nevermind, can I just get a whiskey and coke.”

Some things really do not change, like Minho always drinking whiskey and coke as his first drink. Chan was stunned but he quickly poured out a shot of whiskey and a glass of coke and handed it over to Minho. He was about to move away when Minho spoke up again, after taking a sip.

“Aren’t bartenders supposed to listen to customers’ problems as well and not only serve drinks?”

Chan sighed, “so, what is your problem?”

“My problem is I fucked up when I was younger, deserting the only person I truly cared about. I am now back but I don’t know what to do to right the wrongs.”

Chan put down the glass he was wiping and looked at Minho. Today he was wearing an orange jumper and he still looked exhausted, the dark circles more prominent.

“Sometimes, the person needs time to absorb everything in, I guess.” Chan replied.

“I gave him time, and I can give him more time, but I want him to know that I would not mess up, ever again.”

“He got the message.” Chan replied.

“I want him to know that I am here for him, ready to fix everything.” Minho continued with a deep breath. “I know I can’t reverse the time back, but I want to make sure the present and the future would be beautiful.”

“I also want him to know that, I am broken as well, and I would like him to put me back together.”

Chan’s faces twitched, and he held the eye contact with Minho.

Minho reached out across the table, took Chan’s hand into his own and placed it on his heart.

“After all these years, you still make my heartbeat like I ran a marathon.”

Things always gets worse before it gets better, and maybe it is right to accept that the worst has passed. They lost a lot of time between them but maybe they can mend each other, there is a lot of time ahead of them, to fix everything.

Before Chan could speak, he heard a shout and suddenly there was a fist launching its way in front of him and the next thing he knew was Minho was on the floor, eyes wide open with shock and lips bleeding.

Everyone in the bar stopped what they were doing to watch this drama unfold, “Sorry Minho, I promised Chan I would punch you for him if I ever saw you.” Changbin glared, finger pointing straight at Minho’s face.

Jisung pushed Changbin aside and lent a hand out to Minho, pulling him to his feet.

“I won’t say you did not deserve that,” he chuckled.

“There is nothing to see here guys, we are not going to fight!” Changbin announces, “it was just one punch he had coming.”

Felix came in to join them, “what is going on?” he asked looking around in confusion.

“Hey…wasn’t he the one who came in last week asking for you Chan?”

Chan nodded slowly, and before he could stop himself, he reached out and wiped the trickle of blood that was dripping slowly down Minho’s lip. The contact sent electricity shooting down his entire body and he was surprised that Minho still had this effect on him.

The others looked at him in shock, Minho included.

“So, are you guys a thing again?”

Chan took his time to answer, turning to look into Minho’s eyes, both not blinking so as to not break the eye contact.

The blonde then smiled.

“Maybe we both need some fixing.”

* * *

It did take time for Chan to accept Minho back into his life but soon things were falling into place. They started hanging out in a group again with Hyunjin and Seungmin back in his life too. He did miss their company as well and apologized to them for pushing them away the past years.

Jisung and Changbin were mad at Minho at first but slowly warmed up to him. Felix was a permanent addition to the group and Chan had never felt this happy in the past four years.

It was a Friday night and they were out in Jisung’s flat with the group.

“It feels so good to see you two this happy again.” Jisung had said.

“I still don’t regret punching you, Minho.” Changbin had pitched in. “Chan is too nice to do it.”

Pausing to glance over at Minho, Chan did not miss the sparkle in his eyes, and he reached over to intertwine his fingers with Minho’s.

“I need to talk to you.”

He saw Minho’s smile fade for a while before it came back. “Sure, let’s go to a room.”

He could hear Jisung calling out telling them to not do anything R Rated in there and he was glad that some things never changed, like his friends always managing to embarrass him.

Once they were inside, Chan took Minho’s hand into his again, staring at it.

“I never told you this,” Chan continued rubbing circles onto Minho’s hand, “but the weird stabbing feeling is back. Every time I see you smile, every time we have any kind of contact, I can feel that emotion tugging at my entire body.”

Minho remained quiet, his eyes softening at Chan’s words.

“There is only one explanation for this” Chan continued.

“I love you, Lee Minho.”

“I have always loved you.” Chan sighed as he finally looked Minho in the eyes.

“I love you too, Bang Chan.” Minho whispered as he placed a hand gently on Chan’s chin and brought him in close to connect their lips together. A kiss that was delayed by four long years.

With Minho’s lips on his, Chan felt right at home. The kiss was familiar, the intensity was just the right amount. The way their lips moved against each other perfectly, like it was made for each other. Chan pulled Minho closer and his hands moved up to thread through Minho’s dark locks. He broke away from the kiss, panting, “I am glad you kept your hair like this.”

Minho chuckled, “and you look even more fuckable blonde.”

“Shut up.” Chan muttered pulling Minho back in for a deeper kiss.

_Everything’s going to be alright._

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhhh! So, this is my first time attempting to write a minchan fic and I just love them so much. The world needs more minchan fics! I am sorry this is probably really bad, but I will improve... I tried to make this angsty but I think I failed.  
> Thank you for reading and all comments are appreciated please :)


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